The UFO Incident Before Christmas - Straker ends his career

In a message dated 11/28/04 10:19:49 PM Central Standard Time,
[hidden email] writes:
To all:
It's that time of year again.


The UFO Incident Before Christmas
by Dave Walsh


'Twas the night before Christmas, and out in deep space,
Not a creature was stirring on SHADO Moonbase;
The spacesuits were hung in the lockers, so cute
In case they'd be needed for a jump in the chute.
The pilots were nestled all snug in their cots,
While visions of UFO's spun in their thoughts.

And Paul in his Nehru, and Gay in her skirt
Were sitting on watch, and starting to flirt
When from SID's connection there came such a clamor
Like the sound of a bell sharply struck by a hammer!
Away to the monitor they flew like a flash,
(Hoping the girls weren't writing more slash!)

The lights of the monitor gave off a glow
Just as an Intruder had started to show
Before they could ask about its speed rate,
SID had announced, "Velocity, SOL 8".
When suddenly all of their thoughts gave a glimmer
To the same notion, "It must be a Spinner!"
With a driver so vile, wearing a red suit
To kidnap some humans, the evil galoot!

More rapid than light, his agents they came,
And he telepathically called them by name:
"Now Croxley, now Collins, now Turner, now Craig and
On Roper, on Turner, on Fraser and Regan!
To the Dalotek base, then flashing by SID,
Get us to Earth, and truly well-hid!"

As a bat out of hell, his UFO flew,
While out of their crater the Interceptors spew;
They took their positions, their missiles they fired,
Each one had missed, (They must have been tired!),
The UFO sailed on straight to the Earth,
While the Interceptors returned, without proving their worth.

SHADO Command called Sky 1 in flight
And told Captain Carlin to set everything right.
He lined up the UFO for a well-placed shot,
But he also missed (He was as drunk as a sot!),
So out came the Mobiles, the minivan-tanks,
But the UFO just sailed over their ranks!

In Straker's back yard the UFO landed,
(It was a bad grounding, they just might be stranded!)
When out of the craft, just who should appear,
But an alien in red, covered with silver gear!
He entered the house, his intent still unknown,
But when he searched it, no one was home;
So he waited for Straker to return to his place
(In order to grab him and take him to space?)

When Straker returned to his home, which was locked,
He had Alec Freeman with him (Who was crocked!);
Also accompanying was Virginia Lake
Who saw the UFO and cried, "It's a fake!"
But Straker knew at once it was real,
And realized 'twas he that they'd come to steal;
So drawing his pistol, and kicking the door,
(Poor Colonel Freeman passed out on the floor!)
Ed leapt through the door and fired a shot--
But did he hit him? (I'm afraid not!)
The alien had in his hands a small gift
Just to give Straker's poor spirits a lift;
An alien fruitcake, their highest reward;
(Which here on Earth is largely deplored!)
But Ed was not in a gift-giving mood,
(Especially with such a God-awful food!)
So he shot him again,right straight in the chest,
Sending the alien to his final rest.
Ed's final words to the green fluid-sucker?
He shouted out, "Merry Christmas, Mother******!"
(So Straker's words don't cause any friction,
He just watched a video of the film "Pulp Fiction"!)

A SHADO cleanup crew was hastily called,
and back to the base the ET was hauled;
His space craft was strapped tightly down to a truck,
But before they could leave, it dissolved into muck;
But hung-over Alec, still full of good cheer,
Mumbled, "Happy Christmas to all, and a Happy New Year!"


Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all;
Steve Christensen
Harada357 responded -
Thanks for spreading the Shado Christmas tradition! I love that poem!

Here is a footnote: :) I hope the author does not mind !

The UFO Incident Before Christmas - FOOTNOTE - by Gordon Carew
******************************************************************************
When the Alien Pilot got back to the Base
Doctor Doug Jackson got a good look at his face.
To each were surprised when the helmet come off -
There was great concern and some did scoff -
This was no Alien enemy as they had all feared -
It was a chubby little elf with a very gray Beard!
General Henderson saw the victim's face and screamed "Straker!"
"You have done it now!!!! You sent Santa to his maker!!!"
Staker dropped his head and felt like a jerk...
It seems that Commander Straker might have to find a new line of work...
He would have to leave Pinwood Studios and go to Atlanta
For old Edward Straker had just shot Santa!!!

Merry Christmas Guys!! Gordon Carew.


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CONTENTS DELETED

That was great. Sci Fi people always seem the most creative. I lol. bsl

[hidden email] wrote:
along those same lines...blatant self promotion (to be recited to the tune
of the Rudolph one) and note in mine, Straker has no regrets...


How Ed Straker Ruined Christmas

by Amelia Rodgers,© 20 Dec 1998

Commander Straker the SHADO executive
had a very strict reputation
and when his people saw him
they ran to their stations
all of the other operatives
were nice and friendly and without a care
but Ed Straker who runs SHADO
had a very icy stare!
Then one snowy Christmas Eve
Father Christmas came to say
Edward with your eyes so bright
will you fly my sleigh tonight?
Straker looked at the strange figure
in his beard and clothes of red
and to Paul Foster in the Interceptor
this is what he said
UFO in sector eight Paul
and Father Christmas looked at Ed with dread
within minutes Paul fired his missile
and poor Santa he was dead
Alec looked at Ed in horror
Alec looked at him with fear
For God's sake do you know what you did?
Do I have to make it clear????
Ed looked at Alec and seemed unworried
said Santa looked like an alien to me
and that is how Ed killed Santa
and Straker goes down in history!!!





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